3 Steps to Setting Boundaries & Improving Your Confidence
Confidence and boundaries go hand in hand. Undoubtedly, the more you’re able to set and maintain boundaries, the more you’ll grow your confidence. But what exactly are boundaries and why are they important? Boundaries are not just about saying “no”. Personal boundaries are limits that you create in order to identify how others should treat you. They’re a form of self-respect and are about taking responsibility and action.
Boundaries create a safe space where you can feel, act and be who you are without fear. They protect your mind, emotions, and body, and are essential to healthy relationships and a healthy life. However, creating and setting boundaries takes practice as they don’t come naturally to most of us.
Here are 3 ways to set and practice strong boundaries and, in turn, boost your confidence:
1. Identify your triggers & get in touch with your feelings
Search within yourself and recognize what triggers you and when your boundaries have been crossed. Is it a friend who always calls for advice, but doesn’t answer your calls when you’re in a bind? Or is it a family member who oversteps and tries to micromanage every aspect of your life? Being able to identify where you draw the line is a crucial first step in creating effective boundaries. It’s also empowering and will help fuel your confidence. It can often be tricky though. Personal boundaries aren’t as simple as putting up a physical fence and then making sure others don’t cross it.
When identifying your limits, it’s important to remember that your needs are just as valuable as the needs of others. Get in touch with your emotions, listen to your gut, and connect with your beliefs when setting boundaries. How do these situations make you feel? Do they bring up anger, anxiety, and low self-esteem? Grant yourself permission to accept how you’re feeling and allow yourself to sit with these emotions. Know that your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel this way, but also recognize that you have the power to make a change.
2. Speak up & practice assertiveness
Standing up for yourself and practicing assertiveness is often the hardest step. However, by communicating your boundaries you are setting the tone for how others should treat you. Boundaries often get a bad rep, but in reality clear boundaries make for healthy relationships. In fact, boundaries often open up more space to allow yourself for even greater connection with others. Know that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but by practicing assertiveness, you’ll almost always end up gaining more respect from others and you’ll likely notice a positive shift in how others treat you. Advocating for yourself when necessary is an empowering concept and you’ll feel more confident as you operate in a way that fits your needs.
3. Let go of shame
So you’ve set and enforced your boundaries, but now some guilt is starting to creep in and you start to question them. Try to catch yourself here. Do you feel bad that you told your boss you can’t always stay late with last minute notice? Are you feeling guilty that you told your parents you won’t be joining their week long vacation? These feelings are totally normal. First allow yourself to sit with the guilt and recognize that it’s normal, and then do your best to let it go and move on.
Boundaries can be uncomfortable, but just because you feel guilty setting a boundary, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Prioritizing your emotional well being is not selfish. Of course, we don’t want to only prioritize our own needs and never think of others. But at the same time, know that you are 100% deserving of setting healthy boundaries that work for you. Be kind to yourself as you learn to act in alignment with your values and know that you’ll be better for it in the long run.
It’s never too late to start creating boundaries. They can feel daunting, but try to lean into the challenge and know that you are worthy of setting boundaries. Give yourself compassion as you do the work and keep at it. You’ll start to see your confidence blossom all while creating positive changes in your relationships and everyday life.