6 Common Myths About Confidence That Hold Us Back
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Confidence is a game-changer — it feels amazing and it’s one of the secrets to creating the lives we really want. So many of us yearn to feel more confident and at the same time, we have a lot of misconceptions about it. Here’s the challenge: the beliefs we hold about confidence can be the biggest barrier to attaining it. If you feel stuck and can’t move forward you may have unconsciously taken on some of these erroneous beliefs. Being aware of these thoughts and intentionally choosing not to buy into them is the key to freeing yourself.
Here are 6 common myths about confidence that hold us back and what to believe instead:
Myth #1. Some people are just born with confidence and the rest of us are out of luck.
Have you ever noticed how some people seem to naturally exude confidence? It’s as if they came out of the womb feeling sure of themselves, knowing how to speak up for what they want, and going after their big dreams. The reality is this simply isn’t true. Confidence is the result of the thoughts we think and the actions we take. It may be the case that it comes easier to some people, but confidence is not an inborn trait only for a few. It’s a feeling we can develop and grow and it is available to each one of us.
Myth #2. When we finally feel confident we’ll be done with feeling fear and anxiety.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway” is a quote by Susan Jeffers you may have heard before. There’s a reason why this is a popular saying. People who possess self-confidence still experience negative emotions like fear and anxiety, they just choose to take risks and go for what they want in the face of these emotions. This doesn’t mean it’s easy to do, but here’s a little secret: the more we take action alongside our fear and nervousness, the braver we feel and the more confident we become.
Myth #3. Confident people are big, bold, outspoken, extroverted types.
There’s no doubt that our culture tends to favor the extroverted and expressive people in the group. For introverts, the preference for solitude and quiet is sometimes mistaken for weakness. The truth is believing in your abilities is not about being loud or pushy. The quiet and grounded confidence of an introvert can be just as compelling and in some cases even more powerful. Think Audrey Hepburn, Barack Obama, and J.K. Rowling, to name a few. All personality types can be strong and confident.
Myth #5. You have to have BIG success to be confident.
Reaching a big goal or hitting a milestone can certainly make us feel good about ourselves. But building our confidence isn’t only about big successes like making a lot of money, being in a high position, or becoming well known. Cultivating our belief in ourselves starts with small wins over time. We can choose to celebrate small steps forward on a weekly or even daily basis to build a foundation of confidence. Whether it’s getting out of bed on time, completing a work project, keeping to our exercise routine, these little wins can become evidence of our abilities and the fuel we need trust ourselves in the long run.
Myth #6. Confident people do everything perfectly and never fail.
There is no such thing as perfection. The truth is, enduring failure can be just the grit we need to build great belief in ourselves. Much like the Eleanor Roosevelt quote shared above, knowing we showed up courageously and made it through the toughest times in our lives can build unflappable confidence. Confident people are willing to do things poorly and willing to fail.
For many of us, confidence can feel out of reach and unattainable. We may have felt that we just don’t have what it takes to truly feel good about ourselves, that we are too quiet, or don’t have enough ‘success’ in our lives. Left unchecked, believing these myths will drain our self-esteem and keep us stuck. The best news is that we can choose to see through these misconceptions and remember that confidence is something available to all of us. Just like going to the gym to build muscle, learning a new language, or any other skill, we can practice cultivating trust and self-belief each day, one tiny step at a time.
Want to take this a step further? Head on over to the app and check out Nandi Camille’s audio session, Redefining Confidence in the Confidence 101 section. In this short and powerful session, Nandi will help you create a new and authentic definition of confidence and help you decide on your next steps to begin living into that vision.