Expert Spotlight: Katelyn Parsons
4 Steps For Building A Lifetime Of Body Confidence
When I was growing up, my family had a picture of me on our refrigerator door that always got a lot of comments.
It was a candid shot taken when I was around 6 years old, just after a swim meet. I was standing in my cap and swimsuit, one hand on my hip, the other on my chin in a contemplative, confident stance.
I love this picture. It captures me completely comfortable in my own skin, unconcerned with any of the world’s opinions.
Back then I was focused on having fun in the water, hanging out with friends and making it home in time to watch my favorite TV show at night.
As many of us experience, my intuitive inner confidence began to fade the older that I became.
I wasn’t immune to the world’s expectations of women, nor did I brush off the comparison or comments that I began to experience.
Without even realizing it, I’d become a different version of myself by the time I reached 6th grade. Suddenly too self-consumed for my own good and hyper fixated on pleasing everyone else around me, at the expense of my own body image.
Food and my weight became a coping mechanism to control as I navigated my teenage years into early adulthood, slowly eroding my hand on the hip, zero “F’s” approach to life.
By the time I reached 30 I was burnt out from disordered eating and began to do the deeper work around healing my relationship with food.
But body image?
That was a whole other can of worms.
Remember that scene in Mean Girls where they’re all standing in front of the mirror? “I hate my calves. I have man shoulders. My nail beds suck…” In the movie, when Cady sheepishly chimes in “I have bad breath in the morning”, you kind of cringe in your seat- somehow, she’s violated the unwritten girl code of being comfortable with herself.
There’s a low-grade anxiety around learning to accept the skin that we’re in. We fear that our confidence will outcast us from our social circles. Yet at the same time we desperately crave a loving relationship with our body.
I chuckle a bit now when someone asks how I even begin to support clients with body image work. I get it!! Hating our body has become almost a “rite of passage” with women.
Truthfully, one of the biggest roadblocks for myself, was not even knowing where to begin. Practically 25 years of following the “shoulds” of society…it felt like body confidence was a GIANT mountain to unpack- was it even worth it? Wouldn’t it be easier to keep smiling and fake it?
Here’s what I didn’t consider before doing my own body image work: there’s not a finish line.
Unlike the swim meets that I competed in as a kid, my relationship with my body didn’t have flags, people cheering me on in the crowd, or prizes at the end.
It is, I’ve come to learn, the most important, intimate relationship that I’ll ever be in.
My relationship with myself not only impacts the way that I show up in the world and the work that I do- it directly affects the other relationships that I have in my life.
Talk about confidence, right?
So, where the heck do we even start with learning to love our body??
Let’s start at the very beginning (cue Julie Andrews). And let’s look at this process like a true romantic courtship without all of the social media app drama.
THE FIRST DATE…
I started to think about the jumping off point of my body image journey as a first date- “meeting myself” and really taking time to get to know me and build this new relationship, I felt like I could finally let out a big breath. Just like with most relationships, I didn’t have to rush to “love” status. In reality, it was possible that I might not even end up there. Instead I began with a neutral “nice to meet you”. Truly just looking at my body in a practical way- I have legs. I have hair. I have eyes. I have feet.
GETTING TO KNOW YOU PERIOD…
From neutrality, I worked my way into body appreciation. I took the overly practical body acknowledgment a step further- “I’m grateful for my arms and all of the hugs that they give”, “I’m thankful for all of the adventures that my legs take me on”, “I appreciate my eyes and all of the beauty that they take in each day”.
WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH…
When appreciating my body felt like it was becoming a regular part of my life, I added in an element of body respect…this is the part of the relationship where you might be thinking “is this even worth it?? Should we just call it quits now??” …If you’ve ever experienced this when dating someone and decided to continue to move forward, you know how important respect is. All relationships have challenges and when we’re going through them, leaning on respect is one of the most fundamental pieces to remember for communication. In body image work it might look like “I don’t like my legs today, but I respect them for showing up for me every day.”
’TIL DEATH DO US PART…
Have I actually reached body LOVE? (Smiling as I write this)- I believe that I have. Because in loving my body, I fully acknowledge that I don’t have to like it every day. Most of the time I feel amazing and others I need a little break and don’t want to look at it. But I’m committed to the work that I’ve done in my relationship with my body and trust that it will take care of me as I move forward in life.
I’m excited to keep learning about her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious about any of the changes we’ll face while aging, but I’m confident that being together through everything will allow me to embrace life in the biggest, boldest ways possible.
Just as I say with any of my clients- patience and progress, not perfection. Wherever you are in life it’s never too late to begin your own body confidence journey. You are worthy. You are deserving. You are ENOUGH.
-Katelyn Parsons, CHHC, RYT
Katelyn Parsons is an Entrepreneur, Speaker, Certified Intuitive Eating & Holistic Health Coach, as well as the host of The Modern Girl Podcast.
After years of struggling with disordered eating, she not only found recovery but recognized a crucial missing link in the wellness industry- empowerment + individual sustainability around health. This inspired her entrepreneurial journey and life mission to shift the conversation toward healing our relationship with food and body.
For the past 3 years, Katelyn has helped countless high-achieving women transform their relationship with food and body image through an integrative, evidence-based process so that they can move through each day feeling more present, empowered, and comfortable in their skin, without worrying about what to eat.
You’ll also find Katelyn strolling the beach in sunny San Diego with her husband and their pup Winnie.